This is an apology that has been put off for a long while and should have been done earlier. This is for
a lovely person, artist, sister, daughter and friend to many. I hurt my friend of three years...and it was because of my insecurities, idiocy and just fucked up mindset. I looked up to her while leaning on her like some kind of crutch. Like, without her holding my hand I can't do anything. When I came into the fandom for Big Hero 6...we were a team...down the road I ruined it. My actions caused her great stress and dislike for the stories once created between us...again this is because of me.
When she told me everything, how she felt. Apologizing in the chat on FB between us isn't good enough. If I say she is my sister...and love her like I always say I do. Then I should come out like the adult I am and let her know and give her the apology she damn well deserves. Because after everything she has gone through and the hard work she put into her characters and world. Saying sorry on a different platform doesn't amount to shit. Did I lose my best friend...yes. Did I lose someone I should have protected like the big sister I said I was...yes. But just because I lose someone doesn't mean I should leave things where they lay as if it's swept under the rug.
Shen has and will always be a special person. I took her happiness for a fandom for granted and destroyed it. In times of crisis she always stood up for me, where was I when she needed someone to stand up for her...staying quiet...afraid. Again like some child, not an adult.
When people get mad, I always thought 'leave them alone.' That did nothing but make things worse. Talking to the one's you love and how you hurt them is the best way. I wish I did this sooner but like a dumbass I just stayed quiet and just hoped things would smooth over. Yeah right. When you do someone wrong, you go to the place where it all started and you let them know...
With me going back and forth with pairings she went out of her way to create for me...like I couldn't make up my own mind. She felt used, her time and efforts were in vain. She lost so much because of me and she deserves much more in the fandom and I certainly do not deserve a friend like her. Dealing with my shit like I'm 12. Whenever I felt like things were going bad...just add a third party to the solvable problem. The fuck was I thinking? Not like a friend...Shen is someone who helped me and even tried to find ways to make things better...in return I wasted her time.
I can't fix the fuckery I caused or fix the scars I bought to you Shen. I still stand by that you are a sweet person and an inspiration to many artists who come on to the site. I'll always see you as a sister, because you've always been one to me at the very beginning. I don't deserve to be called that by you, I haven't been much of anything to you lately, except stress inducing.
So why now that I'm issuing this? Because with Shen I always left her alone when she's going through stuff. But when I'm the cause of it. This is an issue that needed to be revealed. I met you on DA...and if you mean as much to me as I say I do. Then it's time that I let go of your hand and take responsibility for the pain I caused you. I agree it is my fault that you lost interest in BH6 with me...I showed nothing with the universe we shared together as time went on.
Losing someone you gained a bond over...because of your actions. It's a reality check that people have limitations to how much they can and should deal with. I may have lost her...but to those who have Shen as a friend. Hold on to her...appreciate the efforts she puts into her work, she is genuine with her feelings and wants to share and connect with you. If she has a universe or pairing with you, show love back to her...she does these beautiful actions because she cares and enjoys it.
Shen I'll always admire your strength and leadership...and one day once I work on myself as a person and learn to be a leader. I hope to be like you. Whether you read this or not...I felt this needed to be said.
When Shen and I shared a universe... all credit needs to be given to her. Adult Hiro Hamada is her design...I stupidly didn't give her credit when complimented on the design. A friend of hers ;u;
I'm sorry for bothering you...but Shen is the rightful owner.
Older Hiro Hamada
I understand that Shen is enraged with me for what I put her through. Even if I have to start from the very beginning...I hope to work things out, on her time of course.