I wasn't sure how to do this since neither of us watch the other anymore...so I hope not to come off as creepy
...but this needs to be done ^U^
This is an apology too
After apologizing months ago...looking back not only was it a pathetic one but since I became friends and I met her here on DA, then the apology should be brought here as well. She deserves her public apology for what happened. She is someone who is kind and and overall an amazing friend...as someone who was insecure and downright paranoid, treated her worse than some stranger but an enemy. I called her a 'friend' and turned around and went as far to use screen caps to use as evidence against an issue that wasn't even there in the first place. This lead to a mess I created and as a result I lost a friend...because of my shitty actions.
The pain I caused her and the trust I broke...no amount of 'I'm sorrys' will fix it and that is not how it should be. I broke it and during the months I should have realize how stale my apology sounded. I was afraid to do or say anything, which is no excuse because if I value her as a friend, I should have acted sooner. But I know now, that staying away from someone I hurt and bonded with in the past was the worse option. You deserve a more direct message.
I want those who know her and care for her ...also know how much I hurt her. How much stress I caused her, all that could have been dealt with easily if I wasn't stubborn and making myself believe that she wasn't a friend...because I wanted to see what my mind 'wanted' too believe. Even other wonderful people and friends of hers tried to help...but I chose the hard way and I got the consequences that surfaced from the things I said.
I'm coming out publicly...because she is someone who didn't get an apology of any worth. Going on assumption, again worse decision, ever. I thought that leaving her alone as the best choice. Leaving someone you hurt alone...I shouldn't have done that. Thinking that there is no way too apologize...
I should have made this sooner instead of letting it linger. For those who come across my journals apologizing to such wonderful people. Always cherish the friendships you make with people and never assume the worse...assumption often leads to a horrible place with friends getting hurt, because of you. Communication clears up so many questions, leaving you with zero doubt.
The apology I gave her was on FB...the apology to many and too myself, sounded and most likely appeared very half-assed...well...all ass. The apology I gave was ASS =A= looking back yes it was shit. Just 'I'm sorry' and going on. J, you fucking deserved a hell of a lot better than what I gave you in the past.
Though I know that is up to J. I can't fix the relationship we had in the past but I hope one day I can work on a new one with her.